There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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