I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
