I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
