Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
