Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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