my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
