tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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