I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
