shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
