Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
