If i come over, it means nothing
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
