we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
