i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so let's talk penis.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
