I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You took a bar mat shot.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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