if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
