I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my sisters under your porch take her home
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
