I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
