It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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