Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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