We need to start having sex underwater more often.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
