Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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