I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
