he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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