respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
