using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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