We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
