just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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