Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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