good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
