I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
