Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
