Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
