you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
