she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
