I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
