i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
