Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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