please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
