Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
