So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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