Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I didn't notice because vodka
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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