Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
