why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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