So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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