Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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