My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
