1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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