I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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