I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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