Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
