Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
