I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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