Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
