Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
